The Great Videogame Crash of 2008

The show grows more depressing as vendor after vendor, analyst after analyst, and the who's who of the videogame world collctively saying: we have no idea what will happen, but we are in for some tough times. No shit, Sherlock.

But if you want the reason for that, you just have to take a look around at what's on display here: Shooter, Thug Beat 'em ups, racing, etc. It's all the same shit in a cleaner wrapper. Why don't the fuck nut companies put something out there that's different and innovative? Cause they'll lose a couple'a bucks? Shameful!

I've got much more to say, but I've got to run.

Gamers...

So, after digging myself out of a shallow grave and hitch hiking my way back to civilization, I hit the LA Convention center bright and early. In fact, the conference doors hadn't even opened yet.

Sitting in front of E3, there's something incredibly striking about the people milling about. They are rediculously happy and elated by what they are about to see. Like kids on Christmas Eve. I've been to Stanley Cup finals, NFL Playoffs, stadium and larger venue music concerts but have never seen the level of excitement at these events exceed the raw, giddy, passion overspill that I see from the attendants at E3 every year.
Thousands of smiling faces, silly giggling, and a series of conversations so confounding and beyond the grasp of the mainstream that it makes me blush with glee. With the many problems as I have with the game industry at the moment, these guys/gals make me forget them for a moment. Unfortunately, these feelings will be destroyed in 15 minutes after my first meeting with EA.

E3 - On the way to see Heff

Sitting in a taxi on the way to the Playboy Mansion for what will, undoubtably, be one of the oddest amalgamations known to the species of man: Playboy Bunnies and Video Gamers. Just thinking about it makes my mouth taste like bile.

In the taxi with my driver, Karen M Tuniyants, I have been brought to the point of death now two times. I'm looking at my phone when, all of a sudden, my body lunges violently forward into the plexiglass partiton. God damn that hurts when your glasses hit first. These results are still better than if I were the one driving. With the LA traffic, I would be crying and driving from a fetal position in no time.

Still driving 10 minutes later. I have no idea if this guy is just taking me on a joyride or he plans on taking me back to some shady alley to beat the living shit outta me. Sometimes, it can be tough being a white suburbanite in the Big Dirty (LA).

Now that IS strange: all of the street names have changed from English to Korean. I haven't seen a white person, car, or unskinned rabbit (I hope that's rabbit) in miles. The sun is setting and I am a long way from where I started. I really shouldn't have put this blindfold on. I want my blankey here to keep me safe.

Still driving and my thumb has been sucked raw. All I wanted was to see the Playboy Mansion before I died. Now, I can see it, my last vision will be of the back of Mr Tuniyants greasy head. I am so scared right now.

I just glanced at the fare: $971.40. I hope this trip is over soon as I only have $1000 in my pocket. Criminey, this is terrible.

If I live, I'll report back tomorrow from the floor.

Electronics Entertainment Expo (E3) 2005

I am on my way to the biggest game conference on earth...and I couldn't care less. Now, I know you are saying, "You fuck! I'd give my left nut just to be there this year! Xbox 360, PS3, Nintendo's Revolution, it's going to be the best E3 ever!" To which I would say, "You are an idiot." Just shut up for a second and I tell you why this year's convention will be the worst show since this event was in Atlanta.



First and foremost, I am not a hard core gamer. My love and respect for the art of videogames transcends marketing labels, demographics and Tony Hawk-isms. Like many gamers of my age, I've seen, firsthand, the rise and fall of Atari. I have foolishly purchased a game console with the understanding that I would have no one to talk to about the experience (Microvision, 3D0, Virtual Boy). Most importantly, like other educated, knowledgeable gamers of my ilk, understand that this industry will crash, and crash hard, over the course of the next 3-5 years. It will make the games industry crash of 1983 look like a fender bender.



I am not a doomsayer, a prophet, or number crunching games analyst; I'm just a guy who has seen some bad mojo, unethical business transactions, and an isolation of the core gamers to which these game companies claim to be catering. It doesn't take a genius to see this industry is headed into the ground like a fiery meteor. Just look to the examples set by that of Ico, Rez, Panzer Dragoon Orta, and Katamari Damacy. These games are what is driving this industry forward in terms of creativity and technology, but is overlooked by 95% of the gaming public. Has anyone heard of the game 'Shadow of the Colossus' that will be out this fall?



This industry has changed its focus, removed itself from fun and fantasy and attached itself to the quick buck philosophy that doomed the industry just like back when Ray Kassar took over Atari in 1980. This industry now is based upon piss poor titles like the steaming pile of fetid scat that EA heaps upon gamers every year. As long as this industry caters to GTA, Madden, and the regurgitation of titles every six months (I'm talkin' to you UbiSoft) we are headed for a long slide down into a solid brick wall.


Even John Madden is confused over why people keep buying this shit game.

Over the next few days, I'll keep posting from the show with photos insight and updates on my state of mind. Also, after these two weeks of blogless/soapbox commentary are over, I’ll be back in full swing with the funny. Promise.