So, I guess the question really is...

Would you trade in your two working eyes for the one eye that doesn't?

Power Team Brings Strong Message

Stronger to a commitment of integrity and excellence. Stronger in our commitment to children of the church. Stronger in our personal pursuit of the one, the only, the Jesus H. Christ. Are you ready to show your faith as we destroy a bunch a shit in the name of the almighty?

It's POWER TIME!!!!!!



Our new vision of excellence & integrity, coupled with our God-infused muscle mass allow us to focus on winning the lost by motivating, encouraging, & inspiring. Keep in mind that we are in no way affiliated with The Power Team from the 1980's that was involved in cocaine trafficking through local churches. We conduct ourselves in the highest ethical & Christ-like manner.



Now who's ready to watch the power of Jesus flow through our Apostle Eddie. Eddie can drive 16 penny nails through a board with his bare hand, can snap a crescent wrench in half, and holds two records for breaking ice and concrete with his head. He is truly a passionate and clear communicator of the Lord's word. Not only is he going to lay on a bed of nails, but he'll be crushed between TWO beds of nails, vaguely similar to Jesus Christ when he was crucified, while Jeremy bench presses 400 lbs on top of him. Eddie; show these fine Christians your power and faith in Jesus Christ! Hallelujah!



Our next act of faith and devil defiance comes to you via Power Team member, Anthony. In his career, he has blown up over 1000 hot water bottles without failing. He has bent over 20 tons of steel in his teeth and crushed over 10 tons of ice last year with his fists, forearms and head. He is also an excellent school assembly speaker. Now watch as focuses his powers of faith and Christ to destroy a stack of cement bricks that represents the great temptation of Satan. Tell the devil it's time take a hike...with Jesus. Hieeeee-chaaaaaa!



Wasn't that amazing to see the Lord working through our team's powerful biceps and forearms? This would be a great time to remind you that when we mention turning your life over to Christ, we in no way mean it in the same way The Power Team from the 1990's did by conducting their underage prostitution crusade. We continually pride ourselves with not selling your children for sex and pornography anymore. This is the pledge of THE NEW POWER TEAM!



In no way is this pledge more apparent than in our next disciple, John. He is known as the "Human Canon Ball" for running full speed and diving head first into a wall of ice 9' thick! He posses the strongest hands on the team and can rip two decks of cards in half. Imagine what he could do to your neck if he found out you told your parents something you weren't supposed to. You can have the same strength we do if you turn your life over to Christ with us today. John will be ripping a license plate with the inscription, "SIN4EVR" to show how Jesus tears up your sins when you turn your life over to him. Tell that Satan he's got a one way ticket on the Pain Train that is salvation! Now rip that bitch up, Mutha Fucka!!!



All right well the faith and blow is drying up in this God factory so we've got to move on to spread the good word about the magic of fucking Jesus. By saying 'fucking Jesus' we in no way affiliated with the 2001 Power Team's: Fuckin' Jesus Holy War Rockathon Extrav-bong-anza that claimed the lives of 33 people. We just mean that Jesus was fucking 'right-on.'

ABC: We're Gonna Gay It Up this Summer!

Based on the success of shows like Queer Eye and While You Were Out, ABC announces their new summer television reality series "Dancing with the Stars." "This program promises to heat up your summer nights with unbridaled and penetrating homosexual entertainment," says ABC executive, Randall Fudgepacrick.

The show pairs a celebrity with a professional dance partner and follows them as they train and then compete in front of a studio audience in a televised dance competition. The second part of the show has these competitors swaping partners to engage in a lightning round of anal intercourse. The pairs will be judged by a panel of experts and also by viewers at home, with one couple being eliminated each week.



Following in this trend, NBC has announced it's new reality based show "The Cosby Blow" where young males are brought in to pleasure one of America's most endeared comic.

Not to be outdone, CBS has another iteration of its top rated CSI program slated for fall entitled, "CSI: Codpiece and Brownrod" which promises to expose the underside of Cleveland's steamy, bisexual investigative unit.

American Idol Murder Rampage

Carrie Underwood, right, crushed her mother's skull, and the brain pan's of 27 other audience members, moments after winning the "American Idol" on May 25, 2005. "My fans gave me tremendous power and I couldn't control it," said Carrie as she was led away by LAPD from the Kodak Theater, in Los Angeles. "The whole American Idol scene was a morbid spectacle," said police chief Wanger. "It's made all the more disgusting by this skull crushing business."

New Jackson Strategy

Jackson to surround himself with uglier people to make himself look more human to jurors.

Phoenix

After being derelict for nearly 10 days, my attention can now be brought back to the important things in life: family, gaming, and der blogenspiel (the blog of much merry).

Be forewarned, I have garnered enough hate and hostility over the past two weeks to blow doors down and set the innocents ablaze. It's fucka' time!