Stop trying to making dicks larger

We have enough dicks in the world as is and, seriously, who needs them bigger and more cumbersome. This push for larger, bigger things has the people of our nation driving alone in their SUV’s and living in 5 bedroom, 3000 square foot homes when they have no kids. It’s all just so wasteful and silly.

Also, why has it become the job of the male to please by girth and worth? Why hasn’t anyone come up with a pill or device to make vaginas tighter and smaller? Come on!

Just FARK'n beautiful...

I meant to have my FARK Classified link directly to my site (not an article) and say something entirely different and more promotional like, 'Fun Factory Emporium and Ice Creamery Depot' or 'Thing punches other thing: click here for details.' Instead I posted something about how "God can not defeat freedom for it is given to us by his son, Jesus."

Even though I didn't set this ad up correctly it still paid off insane dividends. After posting an ad on FARK, this site's traffic has exploded 8-fold (octupled) in a week. I can't imagine how much traffic I would have received had I done everything right...

Smartest money I've ever spent and a harsh reminder that I should read all instructions before clicking the 'submit' button.

Office Survival Strategies: The Feigned Miscarriage

If you are worried about being fired, begin to tell the people at work that you are pregnant. A few months later tell them that you lost your baby. If you are a man, it works out even better because they think you are retarded, but they will still feel a great deal of shame making fun of you after such a catastrophic miscarraige.

Shuttle pilots look to the left. Crap pants.

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. - Engineers and NASA managers were working Thursday to sort out what caused a fuel sensor to state that there was a dome of explosive materials just a few yards from the launch site of the shuttle Discovery.



On Wednesday, astronauts had already climbed aboard the shuttle when NASA halted the countdown with just 2 1/2 hours to go, scrubbing the first shuttle flight since the 2003 Columbia tragedy. Pilot Eileen Collins, 48, tapped a fellow shuttle passenger on the shoulder and made a pointing jesture out the window towards a group of NASA scientists taking a smoke break atop a tank full of liquid nitrogen.

Shuttle managers had no idea whether the trouble was in the gauge at the bottom of Discovery's fuel tank, an electronics box inside, a 100,000-barrel capacity Liquid Nitrogen containment field around the shuttle or something else entirely.

"We felt like we had a good system," deputy shuttle program manager Wayne Hale said at a grim-faced news conference Wednesday. "I wanted to see this launch really, really, really bad." The disappointment came just a day after an embarrassing turn for NASA, when a plastic cockpit window cover fell off the shuttle exposing several murdered government officials. "How did those get in there?" asked a nervous Sen. Bill Nelson, D-Fla. The Senator went on to sweat, "we should investigate this a little bit, but the focus of this investigation should be on that window cover that fell off. That's the real murderer...I mean problem."



The space agency is looking closely at the possibility that flawed transistors in an electronic "black box" aboard Discovery might be to blame. Shuttle program manager Bill Parsons stressed that the problem could be anywhere. "This has to be looked at from end to end," he said. "We kind of need to keep our mind open."

The #1 R&B Song for 2005 is:

I love you, baby
better be-lieve that shit is true
I really love you, baby
That girl I’m talkin bout is you

repeat x8

Gots ta make this fast, man!

"I'm in the back of this crappy-ass Nissan Sentra on the way to some bullshit press conference for some asshole no one gives a fuck about. What up witchu? Yeah? Well it's the same old same with me.

So well, shit man, you gotta promise nots to tell no one about this, ok? But, dude, there is some whack shit goin' on at the White House. Seriously, dude. Well, for starters, the President brought a orphen kid back with him during his last trip to Mexico. Snuck that bitch right on Air Force One with him in the glove box or some shit. He's got's the fucker cleanin' up and emptying the trash at the White House now. I ain't shittin' you negative, this is Rove talkin', baby.



Now you gots to promise to keep your freak on when you hear THIS shit. You ready? Fuckin' President, I swear to God on this yo, the President of the U-S-izzle-A is just a god dammed Go-Bot Metal Man manufactured by the Chinese. No lie! Saw has back open up during them debates and a bunch a sparks and wires be like flyin' outta his crack n'shit. Seriously, dawg! Thas some fucked up shit right there.

Listen, gotta go. Tell everyone I'll be down to split a spliff later. Speakin' a spliff, man, do I have some dope to lay on you later about the CIA! When you hears it you gonna be like, 'Naw, man!' and I'll be like, 'Fuck yeah, man.' Seriously, the shit I'm gonna tell ya gonna knock ya ass on its ass. Late" >click<


five minutes later

"Hello, and who is this young Republican? Well, you stay in school now and stay off of drugs and we'll be seeing you in the White House. Tell them, 'Karl Rove sent you.'"

Give me a sec...one sec...ah yes, you were saying?

Democratic Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., right, becomes dumbstruck when Sen. Patrick Leahy's, D-Vt., stopped mid conversation to crap his pants. The resulting excrement slid out from beneath the cuff of of his pants onto Reid's foot this morning moments before a meeting with President Bush at the White House, Tuesday, July 12, 2005. "This is the first meeting in person with President Bush to talk about the vacancy created by the retirement of Justice Sandra Day O'Connor," Reid said "but, like, the billionth time Leahy's taken a crap on one of us." (AP Photo/Susan Walsh)

Line 10: PRINT "I am Lonely."

Line 20: GOTO 10;



Bomb disposal robot XJ290-Series C expresses its loneliness through a series of meaningless beeps and clicks while being ignored by fellow British police officers.

Prayer replaced by Patriotism

"Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD (America); and the people whom he hath chosen for his own inheritance (Americans)."

—Psalms 33:12
Reader's Digest's Star-Spangled Bible Edition

All across our nation, America has rallied behind the effort to make it known that our nation is still united. Although we once upheld the Godly principles of God, for some reason, He has chosen to test our faith with Hurricanes and other blights that destroy homes, cars, and businesses.



Well, God, if your intention was to inflict pain on this country - you can consider your mission a successful one. For no doubt, our Country feels the pain and loss of every single soul you have so coldly and calculatedly murdered. As a Nation, we grieve together, we mourn for the innocent killed so nonchalantly at your hands.



However, if you intention was was to weaken and destroy this great Land of ours - oh, God, you have failed so greatly! Do you not know about our Country? Do you not realize how we have fought for our freedoms in the past? Our forefathers gave their lives for the freedom each of us enjoy. We will not lightly let that freedom pass from our hands!

When you come in and hurt our people, we unite as one and we will fight - and we will win! For freedom has always had its price, and it is a price our Country has always been willing and able to pay. We will fight to remain free. You may injure us, you may hurt us, but you will not seperate us and cause us to fall.



All you have done is pull this great Nation together. We are now more tightly knit, more closely working as one, more together than you have seen in your lifetime, God. We have been reminded of the freedoms we sometimes take for granted. You have riled us up, stirred up passions that many had forgotten. Through our pain, we will grow stronger and we will rise up and we will fight our battles. You can not defeat freedom. For it is given to us by your son, Jesus. Remember him? May He have mercy on your soul. For you have already lost this battle.



Patriotism is alive; make no mistake!